Cures for Anxious Living

words Kim Hickerson
illustration Kristina Tackett

I’ve read enough self-help books to last me a lifetime. I need no new advice from these self-proclaimed gurus and I can take all that I’ve voraciously consumed and live on that fruit forever.

I tried them a couple times in high school, I pretty much ignored them in my busy 20s, but then in my early to mid-30s my addiction really took hold. I had the time to analyze my schedule, well-being, and closet in a way I never had, and it became a full-blown habit. I dove head first into Happiness Project and would tell you it was really helpful if you asked 3 months into it, but that kind of wore off after just six months and I kept chasing the high of that first book. 

With my library audiobook download options, it made my addiction easy to hide, consuming titles like 4-hour Work Week and The Art of Not Giving a Fuck becoming a monthly if not weekly habit. I blew through many of them, scouring for advice that would change my life, give me direction or just reinforce that I was doing some things right. 

I’ve thought a lot about which things actually benefitted my life and which things were just more garbage filling up my head. I thought it might help someone else if I actually offered a summary of what I found helpful, or maybe it will just serve as a good list for me that I’m taking the time to write and share with others. 

Therapy—I know it’s unfortunately not an option for some due to cost, but I finally got to a point in my life where I could afford it and actually have my insurance cover some of the costs. It’s nice to talk my problems out with someone that can understand me but give me advice from a distance. I think a therapist is capable of seeing the full picture in the way a loving friend or family member just can’t, they’re too close to you. I can also say things to my therapist that I can’t really say to anyone, because they’re not a part of my day-to-day life. The anonymity is freeing.  

Guided Meditation—Are you rolling your eyes because you’ve heard meditation a million times? Well sit the fuck down and listen…. to the birds, to the soothing voice of a British man on your phone guiding you through the vast word jungle that is your brain. I was never good at this until I got this app called Headspace. It helps me clear my mind and unwind, but it also helps me take a step back when I’m overwhelmed in a crowd. When I feel overcome with anger or sadness over something petty, meditation has helped remind myself to let a moment pass over me, because sometimes a feeling is just a feeling. Meditation has helped to focus not only on the good in myself but the good in other people.

Dancing with myself—Usually for 5-30 minutes depending on how hard the dance spirit hits me, but nothing lightens my mood and makes me feel more energetic when I’m alone than dancing. (Well, maybe masturbation, but only some of the time.) I just put on my current favorite dance playlist, lately a mixture of Lizzo, Whitney Houston, and Queen, then I do some form of body movements around my house that may or may not technically qualify as even dancing but it feels good. 

Creating with no real point— mostly for me it’s writing or journaling, but sometimes drawing, playing ukulele, or trying to paint with watercolors. This kind of mind doodling is important to me in that it has no real direction or intended financial gain, and it gives me a sense of relief and release. It might turn into something later, or it may not. Either way, I think it benefits me to play at things. 

Limiting social media, internet, and TV—There are some gains from these, I’m not a “delete your Facebook” person. I think do what makes you happy. However, for me, spending too much time looking at lit-up screens makes me feel like I’m a moth flying toward the sun only to find out it’s a lightbulb. I try to limit my social media time to 15 min of FB and 15 min of Instagram, and I don’t always succeed, but I do find it helpful to know when I’ve gone past that time. I like doing no-screen Saturday or Sunday from time to time. I think it’s helpful, but I’m not trying to get militant about it either.

Gratitude—write down 3 things you’re grateful for most days. I usually do this after I meditate or before I go to sleep. It’s pretty dorky feeling at first. I used to do a mini drawing to go along with each one, but felt like that was making it take too much time. It’s sweet and nice to take time out of your day, no matter how shitty or moody you feel, to appreciate just 3 things in your life.

Be a friend to yourself—This is the hardest one for me. I can be forgiving and compassionate to my friends in way I forget to be with myself. I’m going to say this to you as a friend because I’d like to say it to myself: “I know you, you’ve accomplished so much in your life already. You’ve shown love to people, you’ve fought to do the right things. You’ve stood up for people that needed your help. Part of your childhood wasn’t easy. Parts of your teens, twenties, and thirties weren’t either. You’ve done things you regret, you waste time, you feel lazy, you’ve even been unkind to people that didn’t deserve it, and I love you not in spite of these things them but because of them, because you’re still here, trying to be a good person. I know you’re going to accomplish great things because you already have, and you’re fine just the way you are, you’re already beautiful, intelligent, creative, and kind. I can’t wait to see what you do next.”